I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
