sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
