A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
this boner is exhausting
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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