also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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