Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
