some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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