the condom got lost in my hair
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm getting married
To pizza
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
