I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
