theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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