i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Drunk is not a location!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
