I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
