Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
