That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
