Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
