I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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