thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
