i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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