May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
