so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
