i think i have two assholes
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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