Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
