I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
ok first of all what the fuck
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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