what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
