i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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