the condom got lost in my hair
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize