i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
