is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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