I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
