we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
