as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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