Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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