So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
