Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
