Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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