New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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