My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize