If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
