their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
