I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
