new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So many bounce houses so little time
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
