my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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