my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
