still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
