Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
