i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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