A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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