I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
