like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I would fuck him just for his dog
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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