If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
