Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
