Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
