i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My vagina just clenched in fear
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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