The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize