If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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