when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
