Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
even my farts smell like vagina
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
