My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
