I am spending my child support on dildos
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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