is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
