i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
