My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
be right there i have to get my cape
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
