just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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