im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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