So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize