No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize