I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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