i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
