he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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