he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
