we have officially lost it.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
