My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
