I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
