dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
