The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Randomize